Monday, March 28, 2005

Observation

What would our friend Sisyphus do
if someone stole his precious rock?
My guess is he would continue
his usual uphill and downhill walk

I see him push back his unruly hair
as I walk endlessly, aimlessly, alone.
I press my palms against invisible air
Sisyphus, at least, has his trusty stone.

2 comments:

Rhymebawd said...

Loved the idea, and the execution is very good too :-) Just a little change here and there, if you don't mind, like so -

What would our friend Sisyphus do
if someone stole his precious rock?
My guess is he would continue
his usual up-and-downhill walk

I see him push back his unruly hair
as I walk endless, aimless, alone.
I press my palms against invisible air
Sisyphus, at least, had his trusted stone.

Ink Spill said...

I'm keeping sisyphus in the present ("do" instead of "have done" etc.) I walk endless is correct when you talk about my physical volume, but not otherwise, so I'll go with endlessly. Apart from that, I think all your suggestions are great. Thanks, RB!

What would our friend Sisyphus do
if someone stole his precious rock?
My guess is he would continue
his usual up-and-downhill walk

I see him push back his unruly hair
as I walk endlessly; aimless, alone.
I press my palms against invisible air
Sisyphus, at least, has his trusted stone.